Ants At The Dance
by Smenzer
Summary: A totally CRAZY YH fic! No real plot. Ares, Strife Discord show up at a school dance!


Title: Ants at the Dance  
  
Author: Smenzer and Alayia  
  
Rating: PG  
  
Pairing: None. Young Hercules  
  
Archive: Yes, please. Let me know if you take it, OK?  
  
Teaser: Ares, Strife and Discord go to a Dance at the Academy. Humor.  
  
Disclaimer: The characters are not mine. They belong to Studios USA or  
  
Whoever owns the Rights to Young Hercules. This is just for fun. No money is being made.  
  
LOCATION: The Academy is having their Annual Winter Dance. Hercules, Jason and Iolaus are enjoying themselves at the dance when they are interuppted by Herc's Godly relatives from Mount Olympus!  
  
Ares: ((Ares pops in with a flash of blue light. He glares at Hercules and Iolaus.)) I'm still mad at you, Little Brother, for hitting me with those snowballs! Time for you to pay!  
  
Hercules: Oh, really? I said I was sorry, though, didn't I?  
  
Ares: Yeah, but your little buddy didn't! So I brought Strife and Discord to teach him a lesson.  
  
Discord: Hi curly! We are gonna have some real fun together...in my dungeon!  
  
Strife: Woohoo!  
  
Iolaus: Oh, I'm sorry! I'm allergic to the mold!  
  
Discord: Who said my dungeon was moldy! That's an insult! I'll just use my OTHER dungeon, the one in the middle of a hot dry desert. No mold there!  
  
Strife: Oh, I LIKE that one! Lets tie him to the cactus, get stickers up his butt!  
  
Ares: ((picks up Jason by his shirt)) You two losers should take lessons from this one. He knows how to show respect for a God. He doesn't throw snowballs at a God! ((drops Jason onto floor))  
  
Iolaus: *backs up a bit* Ohhh, no. That-That's quite all right!  
  
Hercules: Whoa, whoa, wait!  
  
Jason: *groans* Hey!  
  
Discord: You want the moldy one afterall?  
  
Hercules: Whoever said Iolaus was going in a dungeon?  
  
Strife: We could always move the cactus into the moldy dungeon, plant it in a pot.  
  
Ares: Discord said so  
  
Discord: Anyone have a large pot I could borrow?  
  
Hercules: Oh, just so Discord says so, we all magically do what she says, huh?  
  
Iolaus: You need me to say sorry? I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!  
  
Ares: Well, that's better. But you better get down on your knees when you say that.  
  
Iolaus: *begins to, but Hercules stops him*  
  
Hercules: Whoa, whoa, whoa...it was just a snowball...  
  
Discord: Hmmfft! That may be fine with you, bro, but I want to torture someone!  
  
Ares: It wasn't just A snowball. It was a LOT of snowballs!  
  
olaus: Go torture Feducius...  
  
Jason: Iolaus!  
  
Hercules: That may be, but I apologized...for both of us!  
  
Strife: ((laughing hystericaly)) Here's the cactus, sis! Opps! I dropped in on someone's bed. Who sleeps here?  
  
Hercules: *sighs* That would be my bed, Strife  
  
Strife: ((laughs so hard the Godling falls over onto the cactus)) OUCH!!  
  
Ares: Strife, you are a real idiot!  
  
Hercules: *stifles a laugh*  
  
Discord: Well, we can fix this! We'll just put the cactus on the RIGHT bed! ((pops in 2 more cactuses, one on each empty bed))  
  
Discord: Now one of them MUST be Iolaus' bed!  
  
Iolaus: Oh, great! Now the cactuses can have a slumber party! Oh, thanks for thinking of me! *scarcastic the whole way*  
  
Ares: What's the matter with you two idiots! Why are you playing with cactuses?! You're supposed to be causing pain and misery! ((glares at Strife and Discord))  
  
Strife: Can anyone pull these cactus stickers out of my body?  
  
Iolaus: Nope, you're scarred for life, "Pale Dale"  
  
  
  
Strife: ((Looks blankly all around him)) Who's this Dale? One of your other friends? Where he sleep? I'll give him a cactus, too! ((evil laughter))  
  
Iolaus, Jason, and Hercules: *staring at him like he's stupid*  
  
Discord: Hey! This one cactus is LEAKING all over this bed! I think its rotten. Ewww!  
  
Ares: ((rolls his eyes)) that's cactus juice, you idiot. People eat these things. ((pulls out his sword))  
  
Iolaus: Eehhh...people- EATING that stuff?  
  
Ares: Yeah. You'd know that if you ever bothered to study.  
  
Hercules: *laughs* He's got a point, Iolaus...  
  
Ares: ((slices top off cactus and cuts out a big juicy chunk)) Here, curly, why don't you TRY it?? You're always hungry, right? Go ahead, *trust me*!  
  
Discord: ((laughing))  
  
Strife: ((runs at Jason and knocks him down)) Pull these stickers out or else!  
  
Iolaus: Uhhhhh...I think I'll pass!  
  
Jason: Ah! If you'd get outta my face, maybe...get Discord to do it!  
  
Strife: WAAAHHHHH! No one likes me! I think I'm going to puke.  
  
Jason: *almost squeaks* Please! Not on me! I'll...*sighs* I'll get them out!  
  
Ares: Fine. I'll eat it myself! ((pops cactus into mouth and chews noisily))  
  
Hercules: Ya know, I think the impossible has just happened! Iolaus has a food that he's not...willin' to try!  
  
Discord: You should puke on curly, not that one.  
  
Jason: Just...don't puke and I'll get those needles out...*is highly disgusted*  
  
Strife: I need a drink to settle my stomach. I'm allergic to these things, I think!  
  
Jason: You're kidding, right?  
  
Strife: No. I'm breaking out in red hives, see?  
  
Jason: *winces* Discord, get Strife a drink!  
  
Discord: (laughing very hard)) Those are ant bites, you idiot! There's an ant nest in that one cactus! The first one I popped in, on Hercules' bed!  
  
Ares: I'll get him a drink. ((hands Strife a jug of water))  
  
Discord: RED FIRE ANTS!  
  
Hercules: *looks over at his bed and is totally disgusted* I think I'll sleep outside tonight  
  
Ares: What's the matter, Little Brother? You scared of itty bitty little ants? Hmm....I should go tell your Mommy!  
  
Strife: ((Drinks water, spilling lots on Jason)) Auugghhh. I feel much better now!  
  
Hercules: *walks right up to Ares and grabs him by the collar* Hey! Leave my mother outta this, all right?  
  
Jason: *gets out of the way* Ehhh!  
  
Ares: Geez, I was only talking! But how about we dance? Isn't this supposed to be a dance? ((grabs Herc's hands off his collar and holds them. Starts spinning Herc around the floor.))  
  
Discord: ((Laughing so hard she falls over on her butt))  
  
Hercules: *feels extremely weird*  
  
Jason and Iolaus: *tries to not laugh*  
  
Strife: Woah! Who's gonna dance with me? ((looks at Iolaus and Jason))  
  
Ares: ((waves his hand and now Herc is wearing a big frilly long gown)) That's much better! At least you look like a girl now ((laughing))  
  
Discord: This is even better than torturing him! We should have done this a long time ago! I bet he HATES it!  
  
Ares: ((gets tired of dancing with Herc and flings him across the room)) He still isnt a girl! ((grumbles))  
  
Hercules: *Ahhhhhh's and hits the floor with a thud* Uhgggghhhh....  
  
Hercules: *rips the dress off quickly* Ah!  
  
Ares: What's the matter, Little Bro? The dress not the right color?  
  
Hercules: I'm not exactly the dressy type, ya know...  
  
Ares: ((laughing))  
  
Strife: ((going towards Hercules, holding out both hands)) You gotta dance with me now! It's my turn!!!  
  
Discord: ((grabing Ioulaus)) And I'll dance with THIS one!  
  
Hercules: Only if YOU wear the dress! *backs up a bit*  
  
Strife: OK! ((Uses magic and puts on the dress))  
  
Iolaus: *being the flirtatious one he is* Heeeey...can I get used to this?  
  
Hercules: *thinking "Oh, my goodness"* I can't believe you...  
  
Strife: But how do ya dance? I don't know how! You gonna teach me, Unk Herc??  
  
Hercules: Uhhhh...*looks to Ares quickly*  
  
Discord: ((twirling around the room quickly with Iolaus)) Oh, this fun is just starting! Boy, do I have a lot planned for you!  
  
Ares: ((snickering)) Just grab that demigod and twirl him around the room, Strife  
  
Iolaus: Is that a good thing?  
  
Hercules: *looks scared*  
  
Discord: ((lets go of Iolaus)) Opps! Did you get hurt falling on that nasty cactus? Luckily its the wet soggy one Ares cut!  
  
Iolaus: *is disgusted* Eeeeeeeew!  
  
Discord: ((regrabs Iolaus and starts twirling him around again))  
  
Iolaus: You know, you could've at least let me dry off!  
  
Strife: ((grabs Herc by the shirt)) All right! Lets dance!  
  
Hercules: *has a feeling this is going to hurt*  
  
Strife: ((steps all over Hercules feet and trips himself, crashing to the floor with Herc)) Sorry!  
  
Hercules: *winces each time* Ya know, this is startin' to hurt!  
  
Discord: So you wanna be dry? OK! ((Blows all hot air on Iolaus from some huge scary device that makes a LOT of noise..think giant hairdryer))  
  
Iolaus: AHHHHHHH!!!! What in Tartarus is THAT?  
  
Ares: Hmm...I think I just found the perfect babysitters for Strife!  
  
Jason: *has busied himself by dancing with a girl*  
  
Discord: Just one of my little toys. Wanna see another one? ((jumps on Iolaus chest, holding him down. Pops big black case out of air and reaches inside. Pulls out big long metal device.)) Now hold still. This won't hurt at all!  
  
Iolaus: *screams*  
  
Strife: ((gets to his feet, pulling Herc up)) Let's try that again.  
  
Ares: ((looking around in confusion)) Where did that other one go? I thought there was 3 of you? Oh well. ((Cuts himself another piece of cactus)) More for me than!  
  
Hercules: *is still scared* Ugggghh...  
  
Discord: ((hits Iolaus on the head with the metal tool)) SHUT UP! ((Reaches towards his eye with the tool)) You should be glad I'm helping you! If anyone needs a makeover, its you!  
  
Iolaus: No!!!! What're you gonna do with THAT???  
  
Strife: ((stops dancing with Herc and stares around)) There are REAL girls here??  
  
Discord: Just fix your eyelashes! This is my eyelass curler. Now hold still!  
  
Hercules: *sarcastic* No, we figured us guys would have a dance here by ourselves...YES, there're girls here!  
  
Iolaus: What? Noooo!  
  
Ares: ((tired of eating cactus)) I'm going to go sing.  
  
Strife: ((tears dress off and gives Herc a kick so he goes flying onto Jason and Jason's date)) "I'm gonna go get me a real girl!  
  
Discord: YES! You'll look just like me when I'm done!  
  
((U know how they ALL love a singing God of War! :)))  
  
Hercules: *jumps up* I wanna sing, too!  
  
Discord: ((Grips Iolaus' eyelashes in the device and instantly curls them. Then smears black lipstick on his lips. Puts white powder on his face)) ((frowns at results)) You still look the same! You're hopeless! ((gets off Iolaus and walks away))  
  
Iolaus: *gets up and finds he looks like a member of KISS* AHHHHH!!!!  
  
Strife: ((see's Iolaus' new look and thinks he looks cute now)) Hey there! Have we met before? My name is Strife.  
  
Iolaus: Yeah, Pale Dale! Iolaus, nice to meet you!  
  
Ares: ((Up on stage singing)) Now I'll be your rock, your strength and support, your close confidant with whom you can consort....  
  
Strife: Oh, its you?  
  
Hercules: *stands on the stage, waiting to sing*  
  
Iolaus: YES! It's me!  
  
Discord: ((finding Jason lying on floor, drags him off)) Maybe I'll be more successful with fixing you up.  
  
Strife: Oh, phooey!  
  
Jason: No...no....Maragold! Help me!  
  
Iolaus: Whaddya mean "Oh, phooey!"?  
  
Ares: ((Finishes his song and leaves stage))  
  
Strife: I thought you were a girl!  
  
Discord. ((plops down on Jason's chest and whips out her makeup kit. Pulls out the famous eyelass curler)) Let's see, where shall we start on you???  
  
Hercules: *pics up the mic* Hey, uh...hey, everyone...*starts singing a song*  
  
Jason: No, no!  
  
Discord: SHUT UP! I'm helping you! ((curls his eyelashes and smears bright blue eyeshadow on his face, between his eyebrows and his eyelids))  
  
Jason: Oh, please, no!  
  
Ares: ((Finds something big and warm to lean against. Is startled when it moves and he falls down. Finds himself looking at hooves))  
  
Discord: Oh, yes! Now for some lipstick! Hmm...I only have black but I'm sure it matches your leather! ((evil laughter))  
  
Jason: Nooooo! *spots Cheiron* Cheiron!!!!! Help me!!!!  
  
Strife: Ohhh! Look! A horsey!  
  
Iolaus: That's Cheiron, you idiot!  
  
Discord: ((reaches into her bag and pulls out a big blonde wig she stole from Aphrodite. Gets bottle of Super Glue)) Now lets see....  
  
Strife: So the horsey is named Cheiron? Cool!  
  
Ares: ((gets a glint in his eye as he gets a GREAT idea!)) Little Bro, you are going to LOVE this!  
  
Jason: Nooooo! Leave me alone!  
  
Hercules: *is still singing, but is curious anyway*  
  
Discord: Give me one good reason why I should?  
  
Ares: ((Picks himself up and smiles sweetly at Chiron. Then lifts both arms in the air and zaps everyone with a magic ray. When the white flash fades from the room, everyone but Ares was turned into a centaur))  
  
Crowd: *some murmurs and screams*  
  
Strife: Hey! What happened to me! Unkle Ares! Help!  
  
Iolaus: You got changed like the rest of us, you doof!  
  
Discord: ((looking down at her horse body in disgust)) ICK! ((she gallops away from Jason))  
  
Hercules: *is angry* Ares! Change us BACK!  
  
Ares: ((laughing hysterically)) This is so much fun!  
  
Ares: ((waves his hand and all is back to normal)) Hey, I was bored!  
  
Ares: What shall I do next?  
  
Hercules: *jumps off the stage* Why don't you leave?  
  
Ares: ((remembers about the ants in Herc's bed and heads that way)) Why should I?  
  
Hercules: *follows him* Because you're ruining our night! Why don't ya just join us instead'a messin' everything up, huh?  
  
Ares: ((stops dead in his tracks when he sees Jason)) What the heck did you do to yourself? Any idiot wearing makeup like that shouldn't be King!  
  
Jason: Blame Discord! *leaves to get that junk off of him*  
  
Ares: ((looking around to make sure Discord won't try to fix his face next)) ((finds chair and sits down)) Go get me a drink  
  
Hercules: Me?  
  
Ares: Why not you?  
  
Hercules: You're actually trusting me to get ya one?  
  
Ares: Yeah  
  
Hercules: All right...*shrugs and go gets him a fruit juice thing*  
  
Ares: Thank you  
  
Hercules: Hope ya like it...haven't had any of it yet, but I heard from Iolaus that it's good...  
  
Discord: ((Walks up to Cheiron)) Do you know your Academy is infested with a nest of Red Fire Ants? They are in Hercules bed!  
  
Ares: ((drinks drink)) That's good!  
  
Cheiron: What?  
  
Discord: ((gets angry)) Are you deaf? I said RED FIRE ANTS! In Hercules" BED! He has his bed over there on the dance floor, with 2 others! And 3 cactus! He is one WEIRD boy!  
  
  
  
Strife: ((walks up to Chiron)) Hi horsey!  
  
Cheiron: What are you doing here anyway?  
  
Discord: ((laughing to herself, thinking she is going to get Herc in trouble. She had popped the beds out there)) I came to the dance.  
  
Discord: to see my brother  
  
Cheiron: Why would you ever come to see Hercules?  
  
Discord: Because he and Iolaus had thrown snowballs at Ares!  
  
Cheiron: And why would that concern you?  
  
Strife: ((wondered away because the horsey did not speak to him)) ((spots Jason coming back cleaned up)) Hey, wanna go get a drink? I'm thirsty!  
  
Discord: Because I was gonna throw Iolaus in my dungeon and I was looking forward to it. He didn't want to go though  
  
Cheiron: I'm sure  
  
Discord: So I fixed his face!  
  
Discord: ((pulling out her makeup kit)) You want a fixer upper?  
  
Cheiron: No, that's quite all right...why don't you join Ares?  
  
Discord: Maybe I don't want to!  
  
Cheiron: OK, then...I've got things to take care of...*trots off*  
  
Discord: If you'll excuse me, I'll go set up my booth over there. ((walks away and pops up a big booth in the corner. Sigh reads FREE MAKEUP LESSONS!))  
  
Hercules: *is still confused* So, you're just sittin' down and havin' a good time?  
  
Ares: Yeah, why not? I got both Discord and Strife out of my hair for awhile. I get tired of those two, always causing trouble.  
  
Hercules: Yeah, I'm sure...  
  
Ares: I punish them but they never learn, esp not Discord  
  
Hercules: Oh yeah...She's got a make-up booth over there...*points to Discord with his thumb*  
  
Ares: I see it. I bet at least one fool goes in there. What do you say?  
  
Hercules: *chuckles* Probably Strife  
  
Ares: Perhaps. But I was more thinking a foolish mortal  
  
Hercules: I know poor Iolaus and Jason got a taste of it...maybe Falafal...  
  
Strife: ((pops out and returns with a big sack. Drops sack on floor))  
  
Ares: Discord probably thought she was doing them a favor. She likes the gothic look  
  
Hercules: Wasn't he like that anyway?  
  
Ares: Who?  
  
Hercules: Strife...  
  
Ares: Yep. But he learned it from Discord. Discord is a whole century older than him  
  
Hercules: *nods* Oh, ya see, I-I didn't know that...  
  
Strife: ((opens bag and pulls out handfuls of something. Flings it into the fireplace))  
  
Fireplace: POP! POPPOPPPOP!  
  
Hercules: *looks confused* What's THAT?  
  
Ares: I see Strife is making popcorn. Strife is quite proud of his invention.  
  
Strife: ((up to his waist in white kernals of popcorn)) Come and get it! Lots of popcorn for everyone!  
  
Hercules: Pop-popcorn?  
  
Ares: Some snack food. You put salt and butter on it. I hope you cadets like it cuz looks like Strife made a bit too much! See, the dance room is filled with it! ((laughing))  
  
Hercules: I see  
  
Ares: ((reaches down and grabs a handful. Sticks in mouth)) Hmm...good. You should try it  
  
Hercules: It...uhhh...yeah...  
  
Ares: What? Are you saying your floors are not clean?  
  
Hercules: *chuckles* Probably not...  
  
Ares: Well, if you only eat the top layer that never touched the floor...  
  
Hercules: I'm sure  
  
Discord: ((screaming and kicking the popcorn away from her makeup booth)) What idiot made tons of popcorn? You're ruining my business!  
  
Hercules: *haha's* What business?  
  
Discord: Ohhh, you're just asking for it! ((runs across popcorn filled room at Hercules))  
  
Hercules: *ducks and grins*  
  
Discord: ((misses Hercules but slides right into a startled Lilith. Grabs her and drags her into her makeup tent)) This business!  
  
Lilith: *kicks savagely* Let me go!  
  
Discord: ((rubbing a bruised shin, lets Lilith go)) And don't you ever come back!  
  
Lilith: You don't have to tell me twice!  
  
Discord: ((sets up a big rope trap outside her makeup tent, hiding the rope with a thin layer of popcorn)) This will catch someone!  
  
Jason: You're crazy...  
  
Discord: ((Leaps on Jason and hits him again with the eyelass curler. Starts dragging him)) And you asked for it! Again!  
  
Jason: Get her OFF of me! She's nuts!  
  
Ares: My oh my. Who will go help your poor friend?  
  
Hercules: *sighs and goes after Discord* Leave 'em alone! *pushes her away* Ya know I can beat ya...  
  
Discord: ((Opens up her makeup kit and sees its empty. Throws the empty kit at Hercules and stalks off, leaving Jason laying in a pile of popcorn)) Hmm...I need to find a new form of torture!  
  
Discord: ((Flashes out in blue light to Olympus.))  
  
Ares: Well, I think we'll have a much better time now that Discord has left!  
  
Strife: For sure, Unk! ((starts sticking handfuls of popcorn in his mouth. Frowns. Pops in giant saltshaker.)) Hmmm....much better!  
  
Iolaus: *starts eating popcorn* This stuff is great! You shoud try some, Herc!  
  
Hercules: No thanks *goes off to dance with a girl*  
  
SEVERAL HOURS LATER  
  
Ares: Come along, Strife! It's past your bedtime.  
  
Strife: ((on floor, groaning. Has swollen stomach)) Ooohhhh, I don't feel too good! I think I ate too much!  
  
Ares: ((sighs)) You'll feel better after a long nap. ((pulls Strife to his feet and they both pop out))  
  
Hercules: *Waving and laughing to girls as the girls leave the Academy* Bye! See you soon! * I hope *  
  
Iolaus: I love you! *tries to follow girls home. Gets pulled back by Jason*  
  
Jason: Come on. It's curfew. Time to hit the sack. We have to get up early tomorrow for drills, you know.  
  
Iolaus: Don't remind me. *eats more popcorn from the floor*  
  
Hercules: *disgusted look* Stop eating that!  
  
Iolaus: But I like it!  
  
Jason: *leads his friends towards their beds. Stops when he finds the cactuses are still there* I forgot all about those.  
  
Hercules: *scared look* Ants are swarming everywhere! Cheiron will kill us!  
  
Iolaus: *feels something crawling up his bare arm. Looks at popcorn in his hand. Sees ants. Drops popcorn* AAAHHHHHHH! *starts spitting in corner*  
  
Jason: *runs off into drill room* They're in here, too!  
  
Lilith: *comes running into the room, scratching* There are ants in my bed! They bit me!  
  
Other cadets: *come into room* Ants are in our rooms, too!  
  
Hercules: *groans* We know!  
  
Jason: We got to get these cactuses out of here! Fast! *uncertain how to grab the cactus*  
  
Hercules: We can roll the beds outside! Quick, everyone help get these cactuses out of here!  
  
Cadets: *move to help push beds outside*  
  
Iolaus: *stomping on ants* Die, you little buggers! Owww! Don't bite me! Ohhhh! Stop it! *runs screaming out of room, flinging off clothes*  
  
Cheiron: *appears in front of an almost naked Iolaus * What do you think you are doing?  
  
Iolaus: Umm.....going for a swim?  
  
Cheiron: *spots other cadets with giant cacti on beds* What's going on here?  
  
Jason: We're just thowing out these cacti, Sir. *smiles sheepishly*  
  
Iolaus: *jumping from foot to foot as anks crawl up his bare legs* Ohhhhhh!  
  
Cheiron: Iolaus? What's wrong?  
  
Iolaus: Some ants came to the dance!  
  
The End 


End file.
